2016 in Review

As much as I try to hate on 2016, it's actually been a pretty incredible year. (I've just been a little salty about Alan Rickman's death that occurred way back in January.) Before I get ahead of myself, this is what I wanted to accomplish this year.

• To be a better person: In 2015 I recognized I was angry for reasons outside of my control, which made me an unpleasant person. This year, I began with a new outlook. To keep from repeating this behavior, I decided to try taking a moment every day to think of anything in my life that made me grateful. As a natural grouch, this was difficult and I gave up after a couple months. However, around May it hit me how much I appreciated everything around me. Each day since, my mind naturally recognizes something I'm grateful for, and it has helped reshape how I treat those around me. I'd like to think I'm a happier, kinder, person today than the version of me one year ago.

Now, with that said, there were a few things I didn't quite accomplish in 2015 that needed a second chance to be properly attempted. 

• Seize every opportunity life presents
• Take risks
• Finish my book

So, let's rewind to February. In February I traveled to Philadelphia, PA to interview at my dream hospital: The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia (pretty thankful I seized the opportunity to apply back in 2015!). On the plane, I got seated next to a man who happened to be head of interviews for his company and he was kind enough to share his tips on various interview questions. Curious, he asked why I chose CHOP. So I shared that I want to be a pediatric nurse in oncology one day, and why I wanted to be apart of the oncological advances that happen at CHOP. Before we got off the plane he paused and told me that his son had leukemia as a child, and how much of an impact the nurses made on his family. He proceeded to say, "I wish you much success; you'll be perfect for the job." He was a blessing in disguise, and I'll never forget what he taught me. 

In March, I decided five years was long enough to be working on a book. I had spent January and February writing as often as I could, but there was one piece that I couldn't figure out how exactly to write. As I drove home for spring break, the idea finally came through my foggy brain, and I promised myself by the end of break I would have the completed book in my hand. Over the course of three days, at the end of spring break I managed to put the idea into words (about 10,000 words), and I finished writing my book shortly before 5 am on March 14th. There's no words to describe how it felt to finally see my dream completed in front of me. Now, I just have to finish editing it to hopefully secure a publisher this next year.

In April, I took a few risks that led me to meeting new people, and handfuls of new opportunities. Because it would take too long to write them out, I'll say what I learned from this. I learned that my comfort zone was a small bubble, but life outside my comfort made me feel alive and adventurous. This "bubble" had trapped me and I wasn't happy because I knew I was missing out. I spent four years in college, but until that month I hadn't truly experienced what I set out to do or become. Early in college I used to be spontaneous and lively, but I didn't realize how much I stopped being myself until my friends forced it back out of me. 

In May I said goodbye to friends who graduated, and felt like I was still looking for something missing. It didn't feel right that college was coming to a close. I knew I still had one semester left, but I searched for answers to questions I couldn't form. And then it hit me how grateful I was for the life I've gotten to live out. Finally, I was becoming the best version of me. I couldn't pause because I feared I would revert to my simpler ways, so I continued with a new risk: I purchased my first car. It was another attempt at being independent, and knowing what I wanted out of the future left me with no other choice but to close the deal. Looking back, this purchase has allowed me to achieve more opportunities.

June taught me a life lesson in the scariest way possible. I had been sick on and off for most of the spring, but didn't think much of it since during the past two years my immune system decided to let every simple cold take over. I forced myself to go to the clinic on a Monday after my attempt to get better over the weekend failed. After being on an antibiotic for three days, I progressively got worse and could barely stand because I got so weak. Thursday night of that week my dad forced me to go to the ER, so off I went and got diagnosed with pneumonia. However, by blood also showed something else. The doctor asked me if I knew what blast cells were, and all I could remember was that they weren't good, so I shook my head and hoped I was wrong. Blast cells are immature blood cells, and indicate a problem. She said there's a chance that my body couldn't keep up with producing white blood cells fast enough to conquer my pneumonia and began releasing these immature cells. It's rare, but it sometimes happens in severe illnesses. I had to get my blood rechecked as soon as I could get back into the clinic (Tuesday at the latest) and if over the weekend I felt worse to return to the ER immediately. She then told me the other possible diagnosis. If these blast cells weren't due to the pneumonia, it was possible that I had leukemia. So after getting released from the ER, I got to go home and "try not to worry" --mhm, as if I'm not going to webmd my symptoms and compare them to leukemia. I was 6 hours from home and the only friend who I would tell was also 6 hours away. That weekend I did something I don't normally do, and I tried praying. I knew if the blood results came back with more blast cells that I would get couped up in a hospital room, and that would be an end to fun for a while. I thought about all the things I wanted to do: see the ocean again, get my book published, finish writing my series, graduate, hang out with my friends and family... the list goes on. If my blood work came back as an improvement, I planned to see these adventures out. Life is too short not to. Lucky for me, in five days my body ridded the blast cells and my WBC count returned to a favorable range. June reminded me to not take life so seriously, and to appreciate every moment.

In August I went on a road trip with my best friend to see the ocean. I fell in love with the east coast, and found a location I wanted to make my new home (for a little while at least). While on the trip (not quite to our destination), my car window broke, and I learned that no matter how frustrated I can get, the window will still be broken. I learned to joke about my misfortune, and enjoy the humid Virginia and North Carolina air at 70 miles per hour.

In September and October, I took a risk and applied to jobs in Raleigh, NC. Not a single piece of me feared the idea. In November, I attended four interviews. At my final interview, I felt both terrified and excited because I finally knew which job I had to have. When I got three job offers, it was a no-brainer which one I wanted. I wanted the position that scared me. So I took a job in the Emergency Department, and I'm confident it's right where I belong.

So here we are. 2016 is about to conclude and I finally reached everything I set out to achieve. Now, I just have to finish studying for my licensure test and then my adventure can continue in 2017 with one big move, a new job, and a handful of new opportunities!

Cheers to the new year, and 365 days of fresh beginnings!

108,192 Words.

This post is long overdue, but on March 14^th, 2016, I found myself awake around 5 AM, smiling, because I was looking at a document on my computer that held 108,192 words and 163 pages. These words and pages were entirely my own creation. I had just finished writing my first book, and I was in the same room where it all began from a dream about five years prior.

Being a person who never really stuck with projects in the past made this moment extraordinary. For the first time, I forced myself to stick with this project to the end—just to prove to myself that I can finish tasks that are important to me. I do have a couple friends I can thank for pushing me along the way, but for now, you know exactly who you are and I’m so grateful for you.

After graduation in May, I spent four days working diligently from the time I woke up, to the time I went to bed cutting my first edit on this book. On May 14^th, 2016, I completed the first edit and printed a copy to send off to a friend who is currently editing it further. I never understood the extent of editing until I began further editing my book on my own a few weeks ago. In two hours I was only three pages deep, and found myself so grateful for editors. I truly believe you’ll never understand the extent of another person’s job until you spend a day working in their shoes.

This next part is something I wasn’t sure if I wanted to add, but I feel it’s important because for most of my life, I’ve turned to words to express myself and I know I’m not the first person to do so. Writing can be a very personal matter for the author, but for the average Joe reading the pages of a book, they might simply think it’s a story of characters strengths and weaknesses trying to grip their way to the top. However, this story is much more. This book was where I turned when I had no answer to my life’s questions. If I was happy, sad, feeling weak, or feeling absolutely confident, I decided to write to bring life into my writing. When I read this book, I also read the hidden message that I’ve encrypted. My life up until March has become woven through the lines of my book, and once I pressed the final key on my keyboard, I finally felt a complete sense of peace. Yes, I had gotten my dream written and that was a pressure I could finally ease up on, but I had also gotten my own story written and at last the struggles I once knew dissipated into a faded memory. All the wonderful memories shined through, and world events that I’ve lived through found a place among the words to remind me how great and full of opportunity this life can be.

When I was in second grade, I told myself I would write a book one day and I would get it published. This experience taught me how rewarding it is to reach a dream goal, and to never stop pushing myself towards what I want to achieve in this life. I have the book written, and it’s getting polished up daily. Soon, I will find a publisher. One day, hopefully not too far away, someone other than myself can open my book and find the adventure as humbling as the message on the pages.